observation

It took me 24 years and mnemonic device, but I finally know how to correctly spell opportunity the first time around (without the red squiggly line telling me I've messed up somewhere). Yet I have no issue with words like mnemonic. Or deoxyribonucleic acid.

It's a funny world.

Side note: I really gotta spend less time on xkcd.com. Or I need to spend whole lot, so I can catch up with several years back-log of strips, and then just check every couple of days...

The vacation that wasn't.

I'm drinking crappy coffee with not enough real sugar in it cause I couldn't stand the thought of drinking anything with sweet and low in it, but I couldn't bring myself to totally screw up my diet by adding as much sugar as I would have liked. I did NOT have a donut this afternoon, even thought it was looking at me with puppy dog eyes and saying "Come on Sarah, nobody has to to know." I'd know, bitch, leave me alone. So crappy coffee it is, cause I need SOMETHING to get me through this day

All I want to do it put my head down on my desk and take a nap, but I have to make mobile phase for the 49th time this month. K isn't doing her experiment today, so I don't get to practice the prep one more time before I'm on my own. We're currently desperately trying to find a way to dissolve our drug because turns out it's not working the way I was doing it. So that's what K is going to spend her afternoon doing, instead of her experiment, which I'm incredibly greatful for since I'm supposed to be using said drug tomorrow in MY experiment and I was just going to say "F*** it" and shake it up real good before I applied it to my tissue. 

I've weighed out my chemicals for tomorrows experiment, I've fed my cells, and I'm going to make mobile phase. I have absolutely no guilt when I say that I will NOT be reading any papers today because my brain is not capable and me trying to read a paper would be only slightly less effective than sticking the paper under my pillow and attempting to discern it's meaning through dream interpretation the next day. 

I want to nap, and I want to go to the gym and then I want to sit and read or write or work through some mindless-beginner-learn-the-interface Maya tutorials. 

What I do NOT want to do is force my brain into a shape it's desperately avoiding and attempt to be a scientist.

Gee. 

What a refreshing vacation that was. 

Hopefully another nights sleep in my own bed will break me out of this fog.

Or more accurately smog, since I just got back from LA. 

Happier posts another day, hopefully. 

First-day-back blues

Sometimes what I really want is for someone to tell me what to do.

There’s too much room for interpretation right now, and it’s freaking me out.

Plus my boss is super excited about a set of experiments that I REALLY don’t want to do.  Not because I think they’re bad experiments, I get her excitement and curiosity and it’s certainly worth trying, but there are other methods I’d rather spend my time on and that I think are more reliable, though this one does offer advantages that others don’t….

Okay enough vague-ary.

I miss the good old days where I kept a to do list and my boss continually added to it and I continually chipped away at it, and if I didn’t feel like doing the thing at the top (unless it was important and couldn’t be put off) I could go on to the next thing until the next time I felt inclined to do whatever the first thing was. It was fun, I got to troubleshoot, I got to use my hands, and then I got to pass the results off to him to worry about. 

Does everybody feel this aimless at first? It’s not a good day for feeling cut out for grad school, but it’s also my first day back from vacation, which is always tricky. Is there going to be a point where I feel a little less…floaty? If that makes any sense…